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It's a fact universally acknowledged that chickens make the cutest, smartest, and all-around best pets. I'm discovering that chickens are woefully under-represented in the arts, so I've decided to remedy this with my own version of the Oscar--the award for Best Performance by Poultry (BPP).
Seen a movie lately with a terrific performance by its supporting chickens? Let me know about it and I'll list it here!
Have you seen the new version of Pride and Prejudice? That movie is simply saturated with chickens. They appear in nearly all the scenes at Longbourn, the Bennets' home, and if they're not onscreen they're in the background saying their lines. My favorite--one memorable scene where a hen, in a daring bit of stunt work, leaps from a rowboat onto a dock! Frodo himself could have done no better in his escape from the Nazgul in The Fellowship of the Ring. And that movie won an Oscar. See? It is possible.
And how about Pirates of the Caribbean? Chickens figure strongly in the escape of Captain Jack Sparrow. When he's hiding outside the blacksmith shop, those birds could have given him away in a heartbeat. But no. Mum's the word, savvy? And when Will Turner comes to after being struck on the head during the looting of Port Royale, who's there to make sure he comes to no harm? Exactly. Chickens with the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death!
Other nominees: Men in Black. When Jay and Kay come to a screeching halt in the farmyard where the alien ship went down, do those chickens minding their own business in front of the porch bat an eye? No! We're talking an amazing display of sangfroid and calm in the face of the kind of danger actors can only dream about. Of course, critics have intimated that the car was actually a CGI-generated insert, but that doesn't detract from an excellent performance.
In the Truly Twisted department, mystery writer Chris Stout offers, "First, I'd like to nominate the chickens from the South Park episode 'Chickenlover.' These brave performers unflinchingly and hauntingly portray what happens to the unprotected innocents roosting in our barns when they fall into the clutches of a mad mobile-librarian bent on spreading his misguided truths through ill-conceived misreadings of childrens' literature." Mr. Stout further offers a ballad by Adam Sandler that, unfortunately, was performed by a human rather than a chicken. I have, however, notified the nominating committee at the Grammys. He concludes wistfully, "At heart, I suppose we all wonder what treasures are hidden beneath that snowy down of feathers..." Talent, Mr. Stout. Simply talent. Next!
Georgian and Regency era author Lynne Connolly in Great Britain votes for Chicken Run, saying, "Mel makes a great rooster!" Can't argue with that!
Yes, it is a disease, folks. Go to an animal shelter or feed store near you and get yours! Or do what I do ... rescue a chicken in need. |
